Set the table. Place your fork on the left, adjacent to the knife and tall glass of water. Prepare the delicacy that your body is calling for. Do not listen to the voices in your head. Ignore. Remember it is a journey. You are not expected to have everything sorted out from the get-go. Paint a clear-view picture in front of you. Do not let this fight leave no room for you to breathe.
Take control. Recall the vicious times when it harmed you and the temple that provides health and sufficiency.
Months ago:
Evaluate the back of the cardboard box that will determine your hunger for the following days. Realize that the calories are over the limit in mind. Place that box back on the shelf and go about your day. Learn that the reflection in the mirror is who you are. Your love-hate relationship will only continue to grow fonder.
Begin to learn that it is here to stay, the disappointment will continue to oppress you. If you keep up with the antics, the number on the scale will continue to drop, drop, drop. You will think it is making you the person you desire to be. Although when you look in the mirror, there is an unrecognizable girl staring back at you with the hope that you give her the proper care she truly needs. The pain in her stomach seems to be a condition that cannot be broken. Continuous rumbling that is only given the gift of water in a hope that nobody will notice the loud call for help.
The small amounts of food that are swallowed never seem to stay down. Immediately the exercise will start, in fear the calories will soon take over. If this doesn’t change the appearance, then the forceful sickness tactic will come out despite the pain it endures.
Time has been spent suffering in hopes that your body would be content in a small frame. That the size number would drop and the creases on your body would no longer roll over the edge. That your body would not stand out in the group photos that were meant to last a lifetime.
Today:
All these degrading thoughts and unhealthy antics, for what? Just so you can feel like you belong. Were the nights of hunger and contemplation worth it to still only be at the root of your problems. Staring at a plate in front of you, questioning it as fuel or a repelling factor.
Inhale. Realize that recovery is a windy path. There will be days where you are only reminded of the darkness that kept you concealed. With time, these days won’t come close to comparing to the light that will soon shine ahead paving the way for improvement.
Step by step. Meal by meal. With time comes change.
Know that only one person can save you, and that person is you.
